My life has never aligned with traditional expectations that society bestows upon us. I married young, got divorced, got remarried only a few months later, was pregnant immediately and added another in the mix exactly two years later. Traditionally women stayed at home to raise kids. I went happily back to work.
There exists a certain stigma with working moms. The Work Outside the Home Mom (hereafter referred to WOHM) versus Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) debate will forever rage on. And there are days I question WHY I am working. But I don’t question it because I feel the need to be at home with my kids. I question it because after I pay for fulltime daycare, gas to drive 80 plus miles a day, and health insurance, there is very little left to bring home. Does that make me a bad Mom? It’s a matter of opinion.
In the last week it has become inherently apparent who the “Mom” is in our house. There is a role reversal present that has brought doubt to my mind as to whether I am what society would consider a “good” Mom.
Two nights ago I was standing around the corner of the kitchen listening to my husband teach Gavin the words to a song that would make him open his mouth wide so he could brush his teeth. He has taught him what sound almost every letter of the alphabet makes. He does all the laundry, makes dinner, and washes dishes. Every single weekday morning he gets the kids up, gets them dressed, and drops them off at daycare. When he is home at night he puts Gavin to bed. (Whether he stays there is another topic.) He has the patience of a saint and the encouragement of a top motivational speaker.
I love my kids, don’t get me wrong. But it is I who am the career oriented one. I am the one who wants to work 60 hours a week at her job and bring home the big paycheck. Trent would love nothing more than to stay at home and raise, teach and develop our children. But until my paycheck doubles, it isn’t reality. And in my profession I don’t see it happening.
I don’t doubt I am a good Mom, just not the one society expects. I would give my life for my children. But if I had to stay home with them all day, every day, I would have to spend my evenings at AA.
I just stumbled across your blog for the first time - it's really great! I'm so saddened by how much moms judge each other, by how consumed we are with how others might view us and our abilities as a mom. The reality is we're doing the best with what we have. Some were born with the absolute longing to stay home with our babies forever and ever and homeschool them. Awesome. Some of us were born with the drive to work all day and love on them at night. Awesome. Some of us were born somewhere in the middle, working part-time (like me). Awesome. We find what works for our families and our children, and do the best we can, one day at a time. So referring to your most recent post, just love them. Some days will suck, some days you will drive ANYWHERE just so they're strapped in the car for a few hours, some days you will laugh and have dance parties and make cookies. Just make memories and love them, and give yourself a time out when necessary. You'll be great. :)
ReplyDeleteI soooo relate to this Emily....we really are cousins! Clint does just about everything at our house too and I work. I am actually starting to look forward to going back to work in a few weeks. This might be due to the fact that Emersyn is dairy/soy allergic, reflux, and colic. whew!
ReplyDelete