Men with the last name of Page

This Valentine's Day I wasn't with my husband. I was with two other men whom I love very much, albeit in a very different way.

Valentine's Day, which, yes, is important to me, was spent at my parents house on a small extended weekend getaway.

I woke up, came downstairs and low and behold, there was a Valentine from my Dad. Complete with an antique Band-aid tin filled with Hershey Kisses. Yes, tears came from my eyes.

My dad and I were never close growing up. I would say it wasn't until I moved out that I realized just how important he was to me and how I should have listened to him more growing up. And its true, you never really realize how much your parents sacrificed for you or tried to guide you until they aren't there anymore. It's a shame that we (as teenagers collectively) don't see it sooner. But I prefer to think there is some mental block that doesn't mature until a certain age so I won't blame myself.

That being said, my Dad is the way he is because of his Dad. My grandpa was the epitome of loving. He loved in so many ways, even if none of them were words or gifts. Grandpa Harvey grew gardens acres big and then picked them and left baskets on the doorsteps of people he heard at the morning coffee shop gossip needed food. Many didn't know who the donor was, but if there were potatoes and carrots in it, my guess is Grandpa left it.

He wintered in Florida and was gone for months at a time. When he was on the farm he always had peppermint or butterscotch candies in his truck and would hand us one after he asked us if we wanted a kiss. Of course, we would sneak into his truck for "kisses" when he wasn't looking. He would worry about every step we took, every motor we started and every crazy action we (well, namely Kyle) tried. But he did it with love. There was never, ever a doubt he loved us, even if he never said it.

This was passed onto my father. He may not say it much, he may not hug me much, but his love is very apparent these days. I know he is proud of me. I've made a lot of mistakes in my short life. But through it all, I've managed to pick myself back up, sometimes with his help, and in the process I gave him the greatest gift I could ever give him. Grandsons.

And in the back corner, watching, loving and smiling is my brother, Kyle. He is so much like my Dad in so many ways. He doesn't hug, he doesn't say I love you (at least to me) but the way he interacts with me and my children leaves no doubt that he would do anything for us that we may need. He worries about the kids, plays with them even when he isn't in the mood, and through it all, is passing his sense of family onto his nephews.

The Page men are selfless. They Love with their whole heart, but are fragile. They may not always show it, but they are emotionally guarded. They worry about their community, their friends, their family, and they love them just the same. Page men will be the first ones to give out their phone number to someone new in town to help with anything they may need and the first to help out if something needs done, without thinking about whats in it for them. They are selfless, humble, and caring.

There are many Page men in the family, uncles, cousins, grandpa's, nephews, and sons. Some are deceased and some are still living. And I can't think of a single one of them that wasn't raised and practiced the very same values.

I am proud to be a Page and even prouder that my sons will get to be exposed to the humanity that my family practices.

As it is, I see my Dad melt a little when Oliver says, "HI PAAAAAAAAAAAAAPAAAAAAA!"

Let's talk....HAIR.

Recently I took a shower. These are not as common as they use to be since staying at home. It took a good 20 minutes to get everything taken care of. I had to wash, shave, exfoliate, rinse, repeat. A few days later my husband was lamely complaining about how much he "just hates shaving" his face.

Pardon me!

You, my dear men friends, have it EASY!

Why DO we have so much hair in SO many places? To keep us warm? To set us apart from hairless cats? Someone please explain this to me!

Anyway, lets examine hair, starting at the top, shall we?

Hair on top of your head: (More specifically, your SKULL)
Women: We have to wash it, condition it, brush it, dry it, curl it, straighten it, color it, pin it, tease it, twist it, check it for greys, and on and on and on. It never ends. And there isn't a woman out there who hasn't honestly thought at least once about shaving it off. If only it were socially acceptable. (Not a one of us wants to be a Brittany wannabe.)

Men: You wash, MAYBE condition it if your wife buys you conditioner and you feel obligated, and every so often put a little putty in it. You don't care if you go grey (it does make you distinguished after all,) and the days of the 80's perms are long gone (a blessing for women and men alike.)

Eyebrows:
Women: We pluck them, wax them, reshape them, draw them back on, sometimes even dye them.

Men: Eyebrows are non-existent to them. They know they are there but what purpose do they really serve? As men age, their eyebrows get wiry and poke out in random places. Some men notice this and adapt the metro sexual way of "manscaping" them so they don't look in the mirror and think they see their grandfather.

Facial hair:
Women: Girls, we get off a little easier here. At least most of us do. But there are a few of us (I admittedly am one of them) that have found a few stray black hairs sprouting in various facial areas that MUST be plucked. My chin seems to have been dealt the worst of it and often I think I could get a job as the bearded lady at a circus. Alas, I pluck them out, along with the 3 on the left side of my cheek and 2 on the right side of my cheek and move on. Other women don't fare as well and those with really dark hair often find themselves having to bleach or wax to remove mustaches and dark facial hair. I feel for you, I really do.

Men: As said before, you have us beat here. You have to shave your whole face, around small curves, almost daily (or as often as you have to so your woman doesn't start complaining about how it feels "down there.") However, you boys have some serious creativity here! You can grow a mustache, a goatee, a beard, even a fu manchu! And lucky for you a beard isn't just a beard! You can have a circle beard, a light but all over beard, a 24/7 shadow, and you can style and cut your sideburns to match. Come to think of it, your facial hair is a lot like the hair on the top of our heads. Your possibilities are endless!

Armpits:
Women: We have to shave them. There is no way around this. If you don't, you run the risk of being called a Julia Roberts wannabe. (Google Julia Roberts armpits if you don't remember what I am referring to.) Some women even have them waxed on a schedule. I did this last year and it hurt. BAD. And even worse, you have to let it grow for a couple weeks for it to be long enough to have waxed off. Those couple weeks working out at the gym were brutal! I felt like a stinky pig and couldn't wait for that hair to be removed. Of course, with the first swipe, I regretted that wish immediately.

Men: They put deodorant on it. End of story. Lucky bastards.

Torso hair:
Women: We don't have much issue here. There are a few of us who may have a line of hair that runs from our belly button to our pubic region, in a shade too dark to leave alone, and thus it must be removed. Easiest way is by shaving, waxing lasts longer and plucking is just plain idiotic. I, unfortunately, am one that has this line and have since I can remember. I started shaving it off in high school and learned fairly quick, the more you shave, the darker and thicker it comes back. Alas, it still must be removed. I've considered electrolysis but once I was presented a number larger than I anticipated with a dollar sign in front of it, I decided my Gillette and I could still be friends.

Men: They have torso hair. They don't care. And they have what we women refer to as the "Happy Trail," that according to Urban Dictionary is considered sexy on men (though not so sexy on women, as noted above.) Lucky shits.

Pubic Hair (Don't even try to tell me you didn't want to skip to this part first.)
Women: We have it. But what we have varies from woman to woman. At some point in our culture it became sexy to start removing it, either in part or all at once. I blame Playboy Bunnies, the damn bitches. How dare they do this to us?!?! As if we didn't have enough hair to worry about, now we have to landscape around the most sensitive part of our body and try not to cut our clit off. I like to refer to pubic hair on women using flooring analogies. There is the shag carpet. This is an all out, not manicured, never trimmed, bush. Au Naturale and can even be combed for special occasions. Then we have the carpet runner. A thin vertical strip of hair left just above your clit, trimmed shortly and everything else around it bare. If you are trying pubic hair designing for the first time, I suggest this. Its hard to mess up. Finally, we have hardwood floor. This is where there is nothing. Its bare. Empty. Clean and smooth. It seems to be the men's general consencus that they prefer at least SOME type of maintenance down there, whether it be a carpet runner or hardwood floor, but not too many men like shag these days. Again, damn Playmates. We can shave it off, chemically remove it, wax it off, and even laser it. But you know what really sucks? Our pubic hair has an easement agreement with our leg hair and our anal hair. They have all mutually agreed somewhere in history that they will all grow together and live in harmony. How DARE they! Women now have to make a decision on whether or not they want to partake in the shower olympics in order to reach and remove their butthole hair. Its neverending I tell ya.
Men: They have pubic hair. They don't usually care about it. BUT, men, I have something to say here. TAKE. CARE. OF. IT. At least trim the stuff. If you want us to "maintain" then you need to return the favor. And no one, not a single woman, likes the sight of ball hair. Some women get lucky and their man already does this. (Men, you can blame Playgirl if you like.) Also men, the more hair you remove, the larger your "member" appears.

(I sense a mad rush of men running to the bathroom right now.)

(Hang on, I feel the need to go floss my teeth.)

Leg Hair
Women: We have to remove it in one way or another. If we are in a big hurry we can choose if we do all or part, depending on that day's apparel. (If we wear capris, we only need to do the bottom 3-4", bermuda shorts we only need to shave our knees and down, short shorts, we have to remove it all and some pubic hair along with it.) Don't forget your knees and navigating around those tender ankle curves as well.

Men: They don't even notice they have leg hair. Moving on.

Toe Hair
Women: We have hair on our toes. We can't have hair on our toes. It must be removed as well. No one wants to see our cute hot pink peep toes heels if a stray toe hair is sticking out.

Men: What in the hell are you talking about? Toe hair?

There you have it, men. Your poor, poor little face.

I couldn't even wear my thong today because I cut my butt doing the shower olympics last night.